I have an obsession with the question of empathy
After a two-year quest to get the book in a suitable format, I have just finished the well-known book by Simon Baron Cohen, dealing with the subject and the temperatures are chilly, just like the weather at present.
He says that “people with Asperger’s are zero positive” when it comes to empathy. I found this disturbing, upsetting and really sad. Most of all I found it puzzling. For starters, I’m not an unkind person. Two radio plays made me cry recently and crying is not something I do often and how I would love to write to the writers to let them know how moved I was. Also a lady who lives near me, lost her husband recently and I knew him and know her. I popped in to see her and hugged her, offering help and was near to tears and told her to contact me if she needed help. Another near neighbour’s partner has also recently died but I haven’t gone to see if she is okay.
This is just such an awful admission but part of me hopes M won’t contact me too often. This is because I am scared of being overwhelmed by her problems and won’t be able to get on with my own things and have also increased my support time since walking is key to staying fit and by the time these stalwarts of support have gone I will feel I’ve had my quota of social contact and will love the three days when I won’t see anyone.
How have I maintained my friendship with K?
The heartbreak is that she is in Australia but maybe that’s also the saving of it. She can’t overwhelm me with her problems and I can’t do likewise to her because half of our days corresponds to the other’s night so no fear of anything like being intruded upon. Mind you, when she was going through a really anxious time I told her to call me during the night and she did.
How does the person who rescued the little blind children who were apt to fall in the rose beds and who lost their way in the new school surroundings and the person who cries at weepy films, plays and offers to help when someone dies though admittedly not in every case and who believes we are here to love, care for and help one-another lack empathy?
I’d like to say that it’s because I am getting older and need more time to myself to relax, that I need less people contact or am afraid of being rebuffed or saying the wrong things which makes me relieved they don’t come with their woes even though I said they can and I truly would love K to live in Britain and near me but I have always been like this and there’s this Goldilocks effect when it comes to friends, none of them will do because they either lie, don’t call back, don’t keep promises and exclude and can be two-faced so what does it all mean?
Is Simon right?
Well I have written to him, offering to go for a brain scan so I can see if my amygdalae are faulty. I can write stories and put myself in the place of the characters within them and do not have a hard time describing my emotions. I hope he will take me up on my offer so I can further help the knowledge when it comes to autism research. In Lisa’s famous “we all “ phrase, nobody wants people round them all the time and all friendship is quid pro quo to some degree so what’s the deal here? It’s not so simple is it? Simon,.
I, like many “Aspies” have even written to people I don’t know so is he correct or do we have the empathy but can’t show it in the same degree and are we all at zero degrees positive when we are “Aspie”? I’d like to think I’m about sixty degrees positive and, fun comment, that would make me nearly eleven years better than my age. If I hear from Simon, I’ll let you know.